You can’t turn around these days without hearing the name of the most popular social media sites around. And new sites are added every day. Some catch on, some do not. But whatever your favorite social sites, I’m sure we can all agree on 
one thing: The Internet has made the world infinitely smaller. Celebrities and other public figures have a vastly increased reach by simply posting status updates. People who follow public figures get to experience a sense of intimate connection that cannot be gained from attending concerts, watching entertainment shows, or reading magazines.
As relatively new authors, we may not have reached the level of notoriety of musical geniuses Bruce Springsteen or Bon Jovi, and our books may not consistently sit in bookstores rubbing jackets with Nora Roberts and Linda Howard. But we have readers, people who recognize our names. We often have a public face and a private one. And it is important to many of us that we keep our private lives out of the public eye. It might be something as small as a desire to maintain mystique over our age or our day jobs or to hold onto a bit of privacy regarding our families—significant others and children. Or maybe we don’t want to admit we were nerds growing up.
And the thing is, we shouldn’t have to. But for some reason, once we hit social media and our friends and family hit it with us, we are open for secrets to be spilled that we otherwise might prefer to remain…well secret. Perhaps we’re in our fifth marriage and would rather not have the world know our first four went bust. Maybe as an author and an editor, I don’t want the world to know my writing/editing shortcomings. Everyone has things in their past and present that they’d rather not have the public tearing apart. For some reason, though, once we get to a level of public interaction, our friends and family sometimes don’t understand we’ve reached a cutoff point where it’s no longer acceptable to drop certain things into a conversation. And while it’s true they aren’t always aware of our personal/public boundaries, it’s frustrating that they just make assumptions that it is okay to keep on with business as usual, and to mention things like children, or a painful past is airing laundry in public that the person wants kept private.
How to handle this. It’s not nearly as easy as you might think. You don’t want certain information “out there,” but you can’t always rely on the boundaries of family/friends, and you can’t always trust they are aware of your public cutoff line. So, short of giving your family and friends an all-inclusive list of “do not say,” what are your choices? I sought out Bri Clark of Belle Consulting for some answers.
Kay: After an author is published, how can she help friends and family understand that she must present a more professional sense of decorum? Things that are typically joked about or even ranted about in private are not appropriate for public consumption. Yet over and over I have noticed an author’s friends and family posting inappropriate things on theirsocial media. And sometimes worse, they have been known to take over a thread on social media that was designed as a way for the author to stay in touch with readers and other writers and twist it into a conversation that is often not appropriate or at the very least is not about the original topic. Without hurting feelings, is there a way to separate friends and family from the professional?
Bri: No there’s no separation. Your family and friends were where you began on social media for most of us. I’d draft a letter sent to them personally expressing how their support has been the cornerstone of your success. With that said the image you project is scrutinized like never before. So you’ll be making it a point to police posts, tags and comments. Because you guys have been so supportive I’m confident you’ll understand. Then don’t say a word when you have to delete things.
Kay: So, I’m wondering if it’s a common thing for family and friends to simply not realize they are crossing lines, or that things have changed now that an author is more of a public figure.
Bri: Absolutely. They will never get that you are a potential celebrity. Or that people in society see you as something other than what your friends and family have known you as all your life. Like for me, my brother always sees me as his big sister. I’ve been at my kids’ schools and given speeches. Their friends were authorstruck, but my kids were unimpressed and wanted to know what time was dinner.
Kay: Okay, so obviously we don’t want our families treating us too differently, just want them to understand that we’re more in the public eye and we have a persona and a level of decorum to maintain.
Bri: However big we get, there will be three kinds of perception among those that knew you.
A. Those who are so proud and happily brag about knowing you before you were big.
B. Those who are secretly envious and will do all they can to discredit and dog you.
C. Those who are the same because to them it really doesn’t matter one way or another.
Kay: Sometimes a friend or family member will get a little too familiar and tease about something that I don’t really want out there in a public forum. They don’t seem to have the same boundaries I require for my “author mystique.” I know they really don’t mean anything – and maybe they sometimes show off because I’m getting attention and that means they do also. Sometimes they respond well when I ask that they stop and sometimes my social media gets hijacked with silliness that has little to do with my initial post. And because I have the potential to reach many people, I often will post community service things – items about adopting animals (one of my pet causes) or about military service personnel, and so on. But I also sometimes will post a question or comment directed at my readers – a general question or a snippet from a book. When these threads get hijacked by friends, even well-meaning friends, they stop serving their purpose – which is for me to connect with readers. Is there a nice way to let people know their over-the-top responses or giving away of story plots in these threads is distressing?
Bri: Well me being sassy as I am would have to start out with a blog post or a note on my Facebook profile defining what a “reader” was. Then questions meant for readers or authors would begin with “Attention Readers…” or “Dear authors…” If a family member attempted a hijacking a warning and a link to the note would be linked.
Kay: The other thing I sometimes see happen on my media is other authors who have a different sense of promo than I do. I often promote for fellow authors – in and out of the publishing house where I am published. But I don’t appreciate when someone posts their promo on my wall without asking. I don’t do that to other people – authors or non-authors. So do I just keep up a policing act and simply remove things or do I follow the same procedure I use with family and ask that they simply ask me before posting these things?
Bri: I’d say once would be a warning then police it. That’s like the unspoken rule of etiquette among authors. There are exceptions. Such as if I am excited about a review and I want to share it with YOU personally and post a link with an explanation on your wall. But not blatant promo. That’s just unclassy.
Kay: I’ve been just removing them and I get that sometimes writers don’t realize it’s poor etiquette, so I guess we should touch on the rules of author etiquette with social media promo. Any words?
Bri: Oh, I’ll have to get heels, sunglasses and big hat first if we are going to discuss etiquette brb
First a respectable author speaks more of others blog post, books, and reviews than themselves. Second an author of caliber supports those in shoes they have already traveled. What I mean by that is we have all been down the publishing road and there are loads before us, stumbling it is our job to help where we can when we can. And third is do not spam. I’d say if you want to share something of your own 2x’s in a 24 hour period is enough. As in if you want to share a blog post share it 2x’s in 24 hours on your own wall or tweet it. And if sharing on groups or communities like that only once.
Kay: A lot of authors are gaining attention with more than just their buy links – for instance on the blog hops with other authors or by writing their own blogs, etc. So am I correct in thinking these types of posts are the same as other promo? You wouldn’t post your blog AND your buy link within a close time frame? So what if an author has multiple blog posts, reviews, blog hops, etc. in a day? How do they decide? Obviously they shouldn’t blanket the internet with all of them all in the same places? Is there a method for choosing what to post where and when that follows the rules of decorum without socially shooting yourself in the foot?
Bri: Personally I use services like Hootsuite and Social oomph. If I find out about a review I am excited about and a blog post on the same day that published then I would draft a status update and schedule it for the next day of one or the other. If you are somewhere else I’d say it’s acceptable to post that along with your own blog post. It’s two separate things. The point is that you aren’t posting the same thing over and over. Because then people just ignore all you post.
Kay: So what is the bottom line in advice you can offer an author with regard to the public personal and use of social media where they not only interact with their public but with their friends and family as well?
Bri: If you are like me and your fingers are flying over the keys or the screen of your touch pad before you hit post reread what you just typed. If you don’t hesitate to have your mother, your clergy, or your child’s teacher read it then post.
Kay: So never post anything in the heat of the moment and remember what gets out there stays out there forever.
Bri: I did not give any sage advice like that and don’t you dare put that kind of expectation upon me!
Kay: Folks, this is the consultant you want on your side. Give us an idea where we can find you, Bri!
Subscribe to our mailing list
